That's intense
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
