I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
