office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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