He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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