who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
