She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
