i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
