so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
