..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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