the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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