sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
