did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
