i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize