You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
