I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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