yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
