Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
