I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
