she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
