I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
