I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize