ya dads aren't the best wingmen
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
