Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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