I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
