Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can I color on your dick again?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
