He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were trust falling into bushes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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