where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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