I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
