how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
