i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
