even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
