So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
