She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
