Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
