We're facebook friends in real life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
