stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
