So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
