i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
