the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
