oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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