dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
