but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
