It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
