So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
