Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
