I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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