mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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