she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
