Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
