Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
