I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
