Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
