good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
