In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
