Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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