Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
