i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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