dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
