White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
