we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
3 2 1 whiskey
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
