I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
