I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
