you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
