are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You smell like stripper and shame
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
