My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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