Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
